So, yesterday, Haleigh my sister wakes me up at 9 am.
Most people wouldn't be mad about 9 am, but I had just fallen asleep at 7am, but i forced myself up for the day after she called. I spend some time with my sister and came back home too tired to do anything else. But i stayed awake so I would sleep at a normal time. I made it till 8:30 pm and I was done, I think I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow. I figured i had done it, I was going to be on a normal scheduel now! Nope, wasnt happenening. I woke up at 9 again, thank you Haleigh for your daily phone calls! I stayed up, but i was exhaused and only made it til 12:00. So figured i'd take a nap, little did I know i'd wake up at 4pm.. thats a total 20 hours of sleep. See this is what happened::
I started a new medication called nuvigil, this medication is like meth in a bottle. That sounds terrible, i know but i dont have any other way to explain it. I have taken a total of 2 pills and i havent slept in 4 days, so i quit taking them and i still can't get on scheduel. Crazy how I went from sleeping 16 hours a day to not sleeping at all then back to sleeping 14 hours at a time. The whole reason i started this new medication was to help with energy but people like to sleep at some point just not for so long.
Enough talk about sleep, I want to write about something else. There is a website called MSworld.org
I love this site, because there is a chat room on it and people know about MS there. They are either diagnosed, goign to be diagnosed, or take care of someone with ms, or just know a friend/family member with MS (hint hint guys you should join.)
The only thing I don't like is it's a big reality check.
Most people are 30 40 50 60 even 70, not many people in their 20's and not many from missouri at all.
With that being said, most are already married have 14 kids and stuck in a wheel chair but it's okay because their happy little family is there to take care of them. They don't work but their bills are paid because their husbands/wives take on the bills.
I WANT THAT. My biggest fear is that i wont ever get married, have kids or find someone to put up with my MS because, lets face it even i don't want to put up with it.
Well, most of my readers would say "Kaitlin, don't worry you will find happiness, someone out there loves you and would be really happy to marry you, MS or not."
Maybe I'm just superficial, but I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who was already in a wheelchair, or who has MS because it's a burden. It makes everything harder on the relationship as it is.
I want to be happy one day. Why couldn't God wait to give me MS til i was 40 and already married with children? I would have been perfectly fine with having MS then, but no I had to get it at 20 years old.
I know, I shouldn't be jealous, but I am. And I am also jealous of all my sisters, who had long term relationships by the time they were my age, they were all healthy(except tiffany, but she didn't have MS.) and all of them were either a year from being pregnant or already had a kid or two. I don't get it.
i'm just ranting about how im jealous of everyone know, so this isn't going to be a very happy blog, my arms going numb again so i may end this soon anyway.
I'm just jealous, but i have a good reason, I think. I don't want to hear on my comments on this that I should be happy, and that there is someone out there for me. Unless you have his number a picture of him and his likes and dislikes, I really don't want to hear that.
Until you're in my shoes you wouldn't understand. Yes, MS sucks, being sick sucks, but not having someone besides your mom (which I am very happy shes there to help me) there to help you, its miserable.
Okay I'm done ranting.
Stay well.
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